WaitHe Has KIDS?
by Arachniphobia16
Summary: Batman has kids? Who knew...buuuuuut this was probably not the best way for the rest of the founding members to find out. Even though it did make for the best meeting ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Ummmmmm….yeah….plot bunny wheeeee. I have no idea what this is but my goal is that it should be funny. If it makes you laugh then I won. This has been bugging me for weeks and I break out in spontaneous laughter…..I've had a lot of people stare at me. For the purpose of this story Richard is about twelve and Tim is seven."**

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It had been a long day aboard the watchtower. There were mechanical failures, computer glitches, and quite a bit of engine trouble in two of the Javelins. There had been people working on them all day and the lights still flickered like strobe lights every fifteen minutes but only in one specific hallway, at least half of the Justice League members were locked out of the computer, and the two Javelins still weren't working. All that would eventually be fixed but this was an important meeting.

And Batman wasn't here…..if he had been here when he was supposed to then he probably would have wound up running around and fixing everything. Glitches made the man twitch.

"I vote we just call him, put the guy on speaker and have the meeting that way." Flash threw the suggestion out after a few minutes of impatient silence.

Everyone simply shrugged and nodded as Clark connected the speaker box to his Justice League communicator and called Bruce.

"What?" Naturally he sounded annoyed.

"Where are you?" John asked.

"In the cave, where else?"

"There was a scheduled meeting today."

They were met by a long drawn out silence.

"….Today's Thursday?"

"Yes Bruce. Today is Thursday." Superman said between chuckles. "How long have you been sitting at that gigantic computer of yours?"

"…..Since….Tuesday I think."

"Well, this is officially meeting time."

"Okay."

"Very well." J'onn began. "As everyone knows we've been having some difficulty with the computer systems and Javelins number eight and twelve."

"You have?"

"Yes Bruce we have. You really need to remember that there is a thing called time and you should keep track of it." Shayera stated.

"Well, instead of tracking time I've been tracking a serial killer that really likes children, tortures, and burns his victims alive. You were saying?"

There was another long pause.

"…Back at the farm…." Clark's voice was quiet and awkward.

"How long have the computers been glitching and what exactly are they doing?" Batman asked.

"Well roughly half of the League's members have been locked out of the computer, the cameras shut of periodically, and a couple of our files have disappeared, and don't even go in hologram training room."

Another long pause and then Bruce responded.

"Alright I know what your problem is, here's what you need to do…..RICHARD! YOU TAKE TIM'S HEAD OUT OF THE BATMOBILE _THIS INSTANT_!"

Everyone in the room sat ramrod straight and stared at the speaker box with wide eyes and jaws dropped."

"I do not care what he took! You take your little brother's head out of the Batmobile engine!" Bruce's voice had risen to something in between a deep bellow and a screech.

J'onn looked at the speaker like it had grown legs, Wally's eyes were seconds from popping out of his head and rolling off the table, Superman was desperately trying not to laugh, Shayera was just outright laughing, John was right next to her, and Diana had tilted her head to the side in pure confusion.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S STUCK!? You got his head stuck in the engine?! Richard what the hell were you _thinking_?!"

There was the distant sound of a child begging for his life, and the sound of a smaller one crying and screaming in terror.

"No Timmy, sweetheart it's okay I'll get you out, calm down. Good god Richard how did you DO this!?"

Clark had lost his control and was slumped over the table holding his sides.

"YOU, go upstairs in your room and wait for me! ALFRED! Please, please, please go get some butter or something to slide Tim's head out of here. DO NOT argue with me Richard! You get in your room before I break your neck!"

"Master Bruce just take a breath and calm down." Alfred's voice was quiet but distinguishable.

There was a long breath took in as a growl and let out as a hiss.

"Thank you Alfred." Bruce had obviously _not _calmed down at all judging by the strained voice leaking through clenched teeth. "It's okay Timmy. Don't cry we're gonna get your head out soon and then I swear to god you can eat ice cream until you puke."

"Master Bruce!"

"Yes! I know you never let me do that! But _I _never had my head stuck in a military grade automobile engine!"

More crying, more of Batman comforting a small child, and more laughing on the watchtower. Everyone felt a little bad for laughing at the situation because there was a little child crying on the other end of the line.

"It's no use Alfred we're gonna have to cut him out. Damn it I _love _this car. Go get me a wet towel, a fire extinguisher, the small band saw, and the propane torch."

Everyone had backed a good distance away and slapped their hands over their mouths to muffle their laughter. Batman would kill them if he caught them laughing at this and he would turn off his communicator. They really wanted to know how this ended.

"It's okay Timmy. No, no Daddy's not gonna burn you I promise. Just stay really still. RICHARD, WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO?! YOU GET BACK UP THOSE STAIRS MISTER! I'm gonna put this over your head and around your neck okay? There's gonna be a lot of noise just don't move."

There was a tense silence followed by screeching and metal being torn and sliced. The noise lasted a good while and everyone stopped laughing and stared tensely at the black speaker box. Suddenly, after what seemed like an eternity the noise stopped and the sound of crying grew louder than it had been before.

"There we go. See Tim, I promised I'd get you out and I promised you'd be okay. Don't cry. You're out. Now, what was it that you did to make your brother so mad?"

The response was too quiet for the communicator to pick up.

"You took his _what_? And….where is it now? Okay Timmy why don't you go with Alfred now and he'll get you some ice cream."

There was another long pause.

"Richard, I know you snuck down here again. You come here right now and if I have to come look for you, you are not going to like what happens. Now, what's this about a magazine?"

Another long moment of a child begging for his life.

"As far as I'm concerned if I didn't see it, it doesn't exist. But I'm watching you and you know you can't hide anything from me. If _I _find one of your little magazines I can promise you are going to be scarred for life. Consider yourself lucky that it was Tim and not _me_."

Batman was good at making people cry and apparently young children fell into his realm of expertise because that kid was bawling.

"Now, about what you did to your brother. You are to go to school, come straight home, go right to your room and stay there. I will be clearing out your room of all video games, books, and anything that holds any form of entertainment for you. You will eat your meals in there and you will not leave your room for any reason other than your life being in danger. This will go on for a month."

Richard was not happy with this new arrangement.

"Well that will teach you not to shove your brother's head into an engine!"

They couldn't take it anymore, everyone burst out laughing. They collapsed into chairs and held their sides as they laughed and laughed and laughed.

"I'm done. I give up. Today, I give up. Richard I am clearing out your room and then I will proceed to do something I haven't done since I was seven. Absolutely nothing. Today I am going up to my room to watch the walls melt. If you guys bother me…..I….will…._mangle_….._you_. They will have to identify your bodies via your dental records, do you understand me?! Batman over and out."

"Woooow. Should someone go check on him? He sounded a little…..crazy." Flash looked around the room wide eyed after wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Yeah….let's reschedule this for later." Clark stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm the most durable I'll go check on him."

Superman walked out of the door with a wave and a slightly scared look on his face. The only thing running through all of their minds, was that that had been the best meeting ever!

**AAAAAAANNNNNNDI'MDOOOOOONENOOOOOWOOOOOEEEEEEGHOSTV OICE**

**Yeah….well…tell me what you thought and I may do more. Vote on what you want to happen next? Idk as long as you enjoyed it that's fine with me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, took me a bit to think of what could happen next. Hope you guys like this chapter. It is going to be serious so….if that's not what you're looking for then don't read. Review and give me scenario suggestions for this story.**

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As Superman flew across the skies toward Bruce's manor he couldn't help but worry a little bit. The tone of voice he had heard from the man wasn't one that he had ever heard before. Bruce had sounded….hollow. He had obviously been under a lot of stress what with the case and he was so absorbed in it that he had lost track of what day it was and that never happened. Ever.

He landed on the back porch and rang the doorbell to be greeted by Alfred, holding a young boy by the hand. The boy looked up at him with wide eyes and ducked his head behind Alfred's leg.

"Here to check on Master Bruce I assume. Come in, he is in his room with explicit instructions not to be disturbed. I wish you luck Master Kent." With that Alfred turned and walked back into the kitchen where he was baking cookies with the help of, who Clark assumed was, Timmy.

Clark entered the massive house and closed the door behind him. Once he entered the main room he took a deep breath as he looked at the stairs and with a loud exhale, he ascended the stairs and headed straight for Bruce's room. He paused at the door and readied himself for the wrath of the Batman. After all he was about to directly disobey him for what Bruce would call, unimportant circumstances.

"As I recall I told you to leave me alone and since I know there is nothing wrong with your hearing you had better have a good reason. Something pertaining to a case for example not because you wanted to 'check up on me'." The growl came immediately after Clark had opened the door.

"How….did you do that? I wasn't even in your line of sight." Superman asked as he walked to Bruce's bedside where the man lay, staring at the ceiling.

"You are the only one who would come here for such a trivial thing, such as to make sure I am 'okay'." Bruce's eyes never left the ceiling.

"Well….are you okay?"

"As you can see my physical condition is sound. Your objective has been reached. You may go now."

"I wasn't asking if you were injured."

"…..My emotional well-being is inconsequential to my ability to properly function during my work."

Clark sighed and sat down on the bed next to him and stared at Bruce with his brow creased in worry.

"I didn't know you had kids." Clark said with an empty chuckle.

"Why is the fact that I have kids so funny?"

"Well….you aren't the kind of person people would think would want to be a parent. Unless they were dropped on your doorstep by one of the many women you've been with." Clark saw Bruce's jaw clench and the words he said were so quiet that if Superman had not possessed extraordinary hearing he would not have heard it.

"I'm not as cold as everyone thinks I am."

Superman found his worry for the man increasing with every second that ticked by.

"I'm not." Bruce's hands were shaking beside him. "I know it may look that way but…I'm not. I care."

"This is about more than what happened with Tim and Richard."

Bruce raised an arm and set it down over his eyes as he quietly nodded. Clark waited for him to continue but he didn't and so Clark took the initiative.

"I'm not leaving until I hear the full story." He told Bruce sternly and it was then that he noticed Bruce's hands.

Both were covered in burns. He reached forward, grabbed the arm nearest to him and brought it up to eye level. Batman's struggles to free his arm didn't even register to Clark.

"You lied." He returned his eyes to Bruce's. "What happened?"

"Let go."

"No. What happened?"

"Just go away Kent." Bruce growled with another useless attempt to free his hand.

"No. Bruce please, just talk to me."

Bruce let out a loud sigh and flopped back onto the pillows. He had sat up to try and pry his arm free but that had obviously been in vain. Clark let go of his arm and gave him a stern but gentle look. Bruce just laid his arm over his eyes again and took several deep breaths. When he spoke his voice was strained and it was obvious that he was trying very hard not to cry.

"Seven." He whispered.

"Seven what?" Clark asked and patiently waited for Bruce to respond.

"Seven children." He said after another deep breath. "She took seven children this time. It's the first time she's ever taken more than one."

"She?"

"Yes, she. I heard her voice."

"And?" Clark prodded after Bruce grew silent.

"Please just go away. Just leave me alone. I'll be fine."

Clark's only response was to sit there and wait, silently letting Bruce know that he wasn't going to leave.

"I had her." He said through tears. "Only one child was reported missing." He chewed on his lip. "One, Clark. One. Out of _seven_." He took another deep breath before continuing. "I tracked her down and….I _had her_ Clark. I had her!"

Bruce began to openly sob and Clark's fear soared.

"She said I had to choose. I had to choose, them or her and then….then….She….She lit them on fire. All of them."

Clark's eyes widened so much he was sure they were going to pop out of his head.

"And they were_ screaming_. There was a ten month old in there. I could see all of them. She had made a glass room so she could…._watch_ as they all burned alive and I _tried_. Oh God I tried so hard to get them out but I couldn't. The glass got so hot and it burned me through my gloves. She had made that room so that it couldn't be opened fast enough. She got away and I could have stopped her."

Clark was speechless and guilt ridden that he hadn't seen any of this. He felt guilty for not checking on him sooner. He was Bruce's closest friend and he still didn't know the man well enough to see when he was hurting. Of course, the fact that Bruce hadn't let him get that close skipped his thought process all together.

"All I could do was just bang uselessly on the damn glass and watch them die in agony. Seven children! Seven children, only one of which was cared about enough to report it. All I could do was listen to them _scream_."

He was openly sobbing again and Clark found himself reaching for Bruce without a second thought. He grabbed him and pulled the man into a firm hug. It wasn't a light hug, not a roomy hug, it was a tight hug that left no room for escape and said 'I'm here, I care, and I'm not going anywhere." Bruce squirmed in Clark's grip but that only made the man hug him tighter.

"No." Clark's voice was also strained. "Not this time Bruce. You don't get to run away. This time I'm here and I'm not leaving no matter how much you fight and no matter what you say. I'm not going to leave and you need to realize that."

Bruce sagged in Clark's grip and cried into Clark's shoulder as quietly as he could.

"I'm not heartless." Bruce whispered. "I'm _not_ heartless and when I found Richard and Tim I knew what was going to happen to them. So, I took them in instead."

"So you did adopt them." Clark let go of Bruce and both of them leaned back a bit.

The way Bruce was sitting made it look like he didn't know what to do. It was Clark's best guess that that was exactly what was going on. Clark had just made a promise that, no matter what he wasn't going to leave Bruce. He had promised to stay and Clark found himself wondering if anyone else had done that.

"Yeah." Bruce said with a shaky breath as he turned his eyes to the window. "Their parents died and they had no one else so the only thing in their future was the foster system."

"Wait, you said that you knew what was going to happen to them. Were….were _you _in the system? I thought that Alfred raised you."

"The courts decided that Alfred wasn't a fit guardian so I went to a foster family. Only about five percent of foster parents actually care about the kids. In fact most don't even care enough to learn your name. It doesn't matter where you came from either. To the other ninety-five percent you're just a meal ticket nothing more."

"When did you live with Alfred?"

"When I was seventeen."

Bruce still wouldn't look at him.

"How about I get you some food?"

"I'm fine."

"Oh come on!"

"I ate before the kids got into their fight."

Clark found himself sighing again.

"Well…what about the case?"

"What about the case?" Bruce had finally reinitiated eye contact.

"Well, you said it was a woman."

"What are you getting at?"

"Did you see her face?"

"Of course not! Don't you think I would have dropped her off at the station if I did?"

"Okay….so…..What's the connection?"

"That's the problem. There is no connection." Bruce flopped backward with a frustrated huff. "Some of the children were taken from foster homes, some of them were adopted and some of them were never in the system and were the biological children of their parents."

"Was it the same adoption agency?"

"No. It was a different adoption agency, a different foster agency and the others all came from different houses from different areas of Gotham."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

A few moments passed and suddenly Bruce shot into a sitting position and vaulted himself off the bed and dashed from the room.

"What the heck?" Superman shouted as he ran after Bruce.

He ran out after Bruce and reached the stairs in time to see Bruce jump over the rail and dash to the library.

"I know who did it!" He shouted as he ran down the steps of the Batcave.

Clark reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to look at Alfred in the dining room with Tim. The aging man gave him a smile and Clark found himself returning the gesture before following Bruce down into the cave with a much lighter demeanor than when he had first arrived.

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**There we go! Once again, review please and suggestions are welcome.**


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